You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
