you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize