You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
