Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
