I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize