im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She told me I should be a condom model.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
