Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
