She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
