if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
