Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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