I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize