Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
