I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
