So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
