I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
