So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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