i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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