Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
