Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
