You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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