bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
