If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
