It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
