i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
