No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
