The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
