wrigley field is MILF paradise
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize