"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
