So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
