You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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