Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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