Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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