I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize