If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
