You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
