I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
