i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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