after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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