I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
