its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
