If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
