It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
