I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
