It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
