The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
