Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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