she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
