so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize