fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
