God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
