The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
