Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
