You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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