We named our party play list daddy issues
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Houston, we have a blender
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
