please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
