So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
