Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
