Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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