I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Shame - the story of my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
