Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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