I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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