Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
