Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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