did you get engaged???
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
