yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
