i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
