I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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