Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
