i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
