i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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